I think I get pleasure from messing with peoples heads...their emotions. Especially people who make me happy. People I love. I don't know why.... because ultimately...in the end... I also feel the pain. And then I apologize. Apologies get old. It is old.
He is mad. Just as I knew he would be. I laughed at the thought of his reaction. Why? I must constantly do it because I get pleasure from it. I really don't know. I do it because I know he will get over it I guess...like he always does. This may not be one of those times. His reaction this time made me cry. I wouldnt want anyone to play games with my head so why do I do it to others. Probably because they put up with it. It isnt healthy and I think Ive reached the point where this so called pleasure might turn into my own pain. My own downfall..on a road to loneliness. I'm done with it. No more playing games. I guess its true..people grow with experience. I guess you don't really know how much you love someone until you lose them...completely lose them. I'm not gonna let it happen. Emotions arent one to fuck with. I should know. Maybe I do to him what has been done to me. Could that be it? Doesnt matter anymore. I'm done playing this game. Let me go mend a heart...maybe in the process mine will heal.
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3 comments:
it seems like u want to move on, hmmm
idk but u know sum things just get old...yeah u say u wana move on "from lying," but I honestly believe u want more, u want to let "it" go...
hmm idk, mayb im just trippn...lol
No Kiyanna! I'm going to move on from lying and hurting him. You were right when you said he would get mad. :-/
Today is a new day and everything is fine. He isnt mad...yay! This wasnt that big of a deal. No I don't want to let "it" go. You are trippin...lol
hahahaha hell naw u dont wanna let "it" go....if ur talkin about wat i think...lmao
but yea i definitely think u should not lie and hurt anyones feelings...thats just not cool lol
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