Wednesday, July 30, 2008


I am taking a break from studying for stats right now...only gonna study one hour more. I will doubt...but I just feel like this class is pointless. *Sigh* The teacher thinks he is funny...hmmm...whatever keeps him alive. Cuz I swear whenever he laughs...I feel like he will have a stroke or something. And when he coughs...I sounds that sickly...poor man. Poor me. Ok so back to my main point...I hate that I have to take statistics as a human bio major...I mean...if I took pre calc, calc 1, and calc 2...don't you think I've had enough math???...geez...might as well major in math. NOT! What is the mean?...what is the standard deviation.?...what is the z value?...what is the area to the left of z? the right of z?...what is the probability that this and that will happen? End please.

What is the probability that I will rejoice once this class is over next thursday?

100%!!!!! :)

Monday, July 28, 2008

Make a Dash For It

Beijing 08 Olympic games begin in 10 days! yay! Well ...I'm most excited about track and field because Jamaica will be taking Gold in 100m men , 100m women, 200m men, and 200m women...yep that is my

Jamaican World record holder for the 100m at 9.72 seconds, Usian Bolt AKA Lightening Bolt, will take the men's 100m and 200m. Oh yea... and he just won the 200m in London and Saturday.

Jamaican Gold medalist of the 2004 Olympics 200m & the 2007 World Champion in the 100m, Veronica Campbell-Brown, will take the women's 100m and 200m. Oops....I forgot to mention again that she just won the 100m in London on Saturday.

Watching Allison Felix compete will also be exciting cuz I can be like "I ran against her in high school!"...even though I me being very much of a loser huh?...oh well..just let me be a loser just this one I see her at work alot...she sure is traveling quite a bit..good for her... I like Cinderella stories like hers. If you dont know about her ...look her up. Well...hopefully Jamaica takes Gold in these events and many more. I'm excited to watch even if they lose though. It would just be even more exciting if they won. We shall see...


Man...why couldnt he have come into my store with his shirt off..lookin like this??? That would have been more appealing then that big ass hoodie! But then Im sure this would be a
I think I'm falling in lust all over again...*sigh* :)

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Last Saturday?

So last weekend was super busy! Lol...Especially Saturday oh boy!

Saturday it all began around 8pm. I went to pick Ari up...we drove to the shrine where N.E.R.D and a whole bunch of cool groups and scary, noise making groups were performing. While we are in line to get in... they hand us the line up...N.E.R.D doesnt go on til 12am! What???...we were like nuh uh..change of plans..we will come back at midnight. So we call Juana tell her get ready we are going to a party. We go to Ari's house to get her wallet cuz she left it...then we stop to get a double cheese burger cuz me and Ari had forgotten to eat...since bad. The man in front of us took so long! ugh! So I was like our burgers better be ready when we get up there. I drive up and the man is holdin out the I dont even bother to brake ...I reach out my hand... grab the with a "Thank You" and cruise on past the window while Ari begins to choke from She is so silly. We pick up Juana and proceed to first party of the night. Ashley's house..we get there around 10:40 or so...get in and Angelica compliments my bra...haha...I let her know the only reason for my bra (which was a very cute fashon risk if I do say so myself) and so much cleavage...which I cant help in the first for Pharrell....That solves the mystery and we proceed in. lol Last years party was chill..I liked it. This we say St. Bernards reunion? And not even an 06 07..08 That wasnt too good. Saw some middle school peeps..even a college peep ..."Yep.. he goes to UC Merced with me!" what I yelled when his friend asked if I knew him..haha. Chatted with a few peeps...enjoyed ourselves...had a cup of that stuff...then around 11:15 after the cops did their check up...we had to bounce..not because of the cops...but because we had a schedule to

We head to Lamine's house for his little kick back...and found out it wasnt too That was another reunion...another middle school reunion. Arrived around 11:25...was greeted by Derrick and a yegger...lmao. I passed that shit to Ari...cuz I was driving. I went to go check out the high people...and was entertained by how high they were ...hahaha... while Ari and Juana searched for more drinks. We then saw it was 11:45 and we had to go! NERD were gonna perform in 15min. So we left Juana at Lamine's til we came back and were on our way.

Felt like it took forever to get there. We et there are police are everywhere because of the crazy..drunk..rocker dudes who cant control themselves...(gosh and they say rap is a bad influence?...try that rock...hard metal type shit...makes them go crazy..violent.) We get in and everyone is either drunk, high, on X, doin coke in the corner...etc. Me and Ari were lost cuz there is two stages and we couldnt find the was so loud and ppl were having sex in the corners...and doin out of this world type stuff. CRAZY. By the grace of God who do we see? BC! ...One of Derrick and Lamine's friends...I scream and I ask where is NERD??? He says I think they perform on the outside we all run outside! We reach outside and it seems like we walked into some Rave/ hippie party...omg. NERD wasnt on stage yet so me and Ari squeeze ourselves through the "under the influence" crowd and wait til they come on. We witness craziness left and right to the point that I begin to laugh cuz the shit is unbelievable lol. NERD hits the stage with "Anti Matter" being the first song at 12:27am. Amazing! Pharrell looked so sexy..and I scream! is going well until about the 8th song..."Spazz"..who told them to make a mosh pit and land on Ari's back? She cussed the dude out and it was hilarious...then the people around us began to spazz and it turned into a fight...NERD was almost done and our life was at risk so we decided to bounce around

We head back to Lamine's to get Juana...we find out she appointed herself We explain to Lamine and Evan our NERD experience and how we saw their friend we dance and act a fool to entertain the drunk/ high Then we leave around 1:40am...and head back to Angelica's party...only to find out it was shut down..sad. But she says they are throwing another one August we can stay at...and fully

EDIT: After seein that Angelica, Ashley, and Sydni's party was shut down...we were planning on ending the night. But plans changed! At the stop light I look to my right and who do I see??? Josh! So I yell "omg...Josh!" ...And Greg who Ari was just texting is in the passenger seat. We begin to talk while the light is green and the cops are right in front of us pulling someone else over. hahaha We decide that was not a good idea and we need to pull over so we head into a neighborhood and continue to talk. After we talk we follow Greg home..he is locked out so we sit until he can contact his brother inside...he gets in...and we all head Our night ends around 3:30..4am...and Ari has work at 6am! lmao...its ok she superwoman like me! yay!

So yea that was my Saturday...only one day!....And only day last weekend I will report. lol

N.E.R.D - Spazz Video

This video is really like the Black and White...He should have added the Sin City effect of a little color here...a little color there. That effect excites I still love him though. And the video reminds me of his concert experience! Aaaahhhh!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008


I said that would be the last post about it huh? Ok this will be the last one. Promise. Lol ...Its just that I have to let a little more out of my head...definately not that I'm taking anything back.

Im doing well with slowly disconnecting our connections. Its making me feel better with each step I take. No more wondering why...because honestly what would why do for me? It won't make me rethink my decision. There is nothing that make this situation make sense. Absolutely nothing. Why would a "friend" of all these years do such a thing?...They were better off staying out of my why did wwe reconnect? For you to do this? I just feel sorry for the one left in the game. It can ultimately tear them apart. I can already see that they are clearly losing their mind. They are not in a ealthy position at all. But you know what they say..."what you don't know won't hurt you" so I guess they r safe for now. As for me...I know...boy do I know...and its funny cuz no matter how good I know it will feel to bust it all out. Reveal the fucking jackass for what he really is. I won't. Lol. Let me just walk away. I will be the bigger person. Wouldn't this be easier than playing this game and doing this to someone you say you care about? Love? Someone who is supposed to be your closest "friend"? Maybe you don't know the definition? Lol You must not. Would it have been so hard to open your mouth and let me know? Let me know what is on your mind. I know its fucked up and everything but I could have helped. What made you change into this person? I miss the old you. I would befriend the old you. This person..I don't know..this person is a stranger. One I don't see me having a future any shape or form.

Adios Extranjero!

Curtains Finally Closing

Found out something that... first shocked me...then made me angry...then disgusted me....then made me sad. I thought it through ...felt stupid because it is mostly my fault...or at least ill take the blame. I allowed this to happen. Allowed myself to be involved.

How I coped? I cried until I felt like my heart tore in two. Then I vented to one of my best friends... and cried some more...just to let it all out yanno? Because I vow that I will never waste another tear. Never. Or another post. Ever.

I will be Bethany about this and not make it anymore than what it is. I will not confront the situation. Im turning my back...Im out of it. I still have love for that person because as Ive stated before...MY love cannot be taken is permanent....will go on forever. Thinking about how much this would take for me to let this person out of my life before I found this would have probably been one of the most difficult things I have done in my life. But this....this has made it easier. A lot easier. Life is too short to dwell...or consider people who who have no respect for shame. " put on quite a show ...really had me going" well as the people around me. Ha. I can only shake my head and laugh now.Things should be easier for them now that I have removed myself from their life.

On the upside...the night ended well with a certain someone...always there to comfort me...I looked for consolement....and I was consoled....with his stare into my eyes....his embrace...his words. We never fight..or waste our time feeding each other lies. Only truth and secrets that I dont have to worry about it getting back to my circle of friends....because we keep different circles...which I like. Talking to him about my life...smiling at each always makes me feel better. He is a great friend. One who doesnt play games...or takes me for a I can trust. At least for now.

Im glad this more confusion. Life should be better now.

(This was a nice post. Too nice. I guess this is me being grown up about the situation)

Sunday, July 13, 2008

My Horoscope for Today


"You are probably feeling so much better about your life today that you aren't sure you can believe it. Don't waste energy second-guessing what you're missing or what can go awry. If you put enough energy into doubt, something will undoubtedly go wrong. Instead, focus on the positive possibilities with a hopeful attitude."

Thanks, will do.

Saturday, July 12, 2008


The signs still come...or maybe I just want to see that is all I see. It really is too good to be true. Too perfect to happen. There can never be perfection...there shall never be perfection. The world isnt ready for it...maybe I am not ready for it. But the signs tell a different story. The signs could be misinterpreted. But how will I know? I wont know until after the fact. When is after the fact? When Im dead? I cannot be anyone but Bethany...I cannot decide for anyone but Bethany. So what is the point of signs? Im not meant to know my future...only God. Im just meant to ...hmmm...I really do not even know. Live my life? But what does that really mean? Apart from the Biological do I actually know I'm 'living'? Maybe the signs are a part of me 'living'. Well, in that case let me....see signs, hope, dream ect. It seems so passive though doesnt it? Rather be active...act on these signs and hopes and dreams. But there are consequences you know...and you are meant to keep living after these consequences. No matter what they are. Its a chance ...I know. But you have to it worth it?

I think so.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Mango Sorbet


I used to get these like once a week...every week in 11th grade. I dont know why I stopped...but after today Im back on it! delicious! yummy! mmmmm

I was called yummy twice 2day...1 I was okay with but the!!!

I Want To See Coldplay in Concert!

Coldplay in Inglewood for 2 days and im not there?...what????

Chris Martin is kinda

The Scientist

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

100th Post! : Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolate

14 years and 3 days after it has been released...Forrest Gump is still the best! My favorite movie of all time!

The Best of Forrest Gump

Its a long movie..I cant put all the funny these!


" I may not be the smartest man...but I know what love is" I love that line!

I love the fact that no matter how much they drop in and out of each others life due to their differences and life's tests...they still love each other the same...there for each other since the first day they met...that is REAL love...

It sucks that she didnt realize it until way later....I guess it takes some longer than others to realize REAL love...

*I'm gonna watch it right now...while I study for my stats midterm

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Drift Away

Don't you wish people wouldn't drift away? Its tiring swimming after them to keep up. Is their point to make you do most of the work to prove your need for them in your life? The waves wont stop me...I wont love is my life vest. I dont know...maybe I swim after them too quickly...I will let them drift a little farther this time then...maybe then they will notice that they left something

Monday, July 7, 2008

All Time Favorite

Starry Night

...dont you wish you lived in a fairytale?

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Look at Yourself

I hate when people take things for granted. Like do you not know how good you have it? Stop complaining and stop fucking up. There are people living on the streets ...people who dont have a father...people who dont have a mother..people who dont have either. Some have it harder than others. Wait let me change that ...MOST have it harder than others. I feel for the less fortunate...mostly because I am not too much fortunate than they are. It hurts my heart when I see homeless children. Its bad enough that anyone has to live in poverty. But children? Its like their fate is already chosen and they must work extra hard....overcome more obstacles than any other child to succeed in life. Its a hard knock life...and yet I notice they complain the least.

You are worried about getting that 50 dollar video game and the new video game system to play it on or those new pair of shoes to wear to the next party or club ....while others are worrying about something as simple as what they are going to eat 2maro...where they are going to sleep. You are worried about getting the sound system in your car improved and a navigation system installed ...while some are worried about how they r going to pay bus fare to get from point A to point B. You are complaining about walking up that hill to your class at the university that you have been so privileged to attend...while others are worried about getting shot or raped or mugged walking down their neighborhood street on their way home from their job that helps their family make ends meet and cannot attend that university that you are taking for advantage because they either cannot afford it or their family cannot afford to lose their income. Be humble, be modest, be grateful, be understanding. You can be admired for that. I admire people like that. But I swear some people don't know how good they have it and yet they are the first ones to complain ...and brag the same time. Be happy with what you have and modest at the same time...what your parents have provided for u...and grateful you have parents. Parents who have worked so hard to make your life easier. You have nothing to brag about unless you paid for that ticket to visit all these wonderful places...for that car you are so conceitedly sporting...for that nice house you are so fortunate enough to live in. Your parents get all of the credit in my eyes. They have layed down the stepping stones for you to succeed in life...make this a legacy...make it possible for generations after you to be insusceptible to poverty. If your goal is to be highly favored by everyone because of what you have and what you can get... you are more shallow than central Africa's water supply. If you werent so self absorbed you would notice all the poverty around you and see that your problems are not that big. Or maybe you do notice but choose to ignore it...sad. People today are so selfish and greedy.Something you are complaining about or taking advantage of..others can only dream of.

Jealousy is not the source of this post. Believe me I am not the jealous type. I am grateful for what I have and sure I admire what others have and I let them know when I do like what they have. But usually it is nothing materialistic. Usually I admire someones closely bonded loving family...someones long, happy marriage...someones stable lifestyle. I long for those three things. Everything else I will be grateful to posses of course but they are not as important to me. I have learned early in life that I am one of the ones that have to work harder than others..and I have grown to become content with that. Although I dont have it great I do what I can for others...."what you give, you shall receive" might not come back now but I believe it will eventually. People often ask "oh your rich huh?", "you get everything you want huh?", lmao ...not even close..far from it. I just work hard for everything I have ...and I do mean "I"...little has come from my parents...but I am grateful for what they have done...individually since they have been divorced since I was barely 7. I take care of myself and carry myself in a way that might never make you believe the things I have been through and I am confident as a person that I can overcome anything and possess the things I dream of. "You gotta learn to hold your own" I do what I have to do with as little help from others as possible...not because I want to be miss independent but because it helps me as a person not to rely on others...i dont know...its just a personal thing...makes me feel stronger and better about myself knowing I accomplished most of the things in life on my own cover up the weak and bruised Bethany that I vow to keep hidden until the right person comes along. Well I went off on a wee bit of a tangent there.. lol.

My point is....It just urks me that people who have it much easier take advantage and cherish their material possessions before anything else.
And some let little thing worry then which are in the end..not that important. I understand that EVERYONE has problems and I know the feeling all too well know ...when you feel like everything has gone wrong thus far and you feel trapped... no where to you will be making it more difficult on yourself and others if you proceed any farther. You then find yourself searching for that "new game" button...u know the one u press when u know there is no way u can win that game of spider solitaire. But that button doesn't exist in life. Figures. God offers forgiveness if that is a possible solution for your situation and everything else you must work through ...with God's blessing....and overcome to proceed and progress successfully. Hopefully. But lets worry and complain about the bigger issues at hand poverty.

Just let me humble, be modest, be grateful, be understanding.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008


Come on come on
I see no changes wake up in the morning and I ask myself
is life worth living should I blast myself?
I'm tired of bein' poor & even worse I'm black
my stomach hurts so I'm lookin' for a purse to snatch
Cops give a damn about a negro
pull the trigger kill a nigga he's a hero
Give the crack to the kids who the hell cares
one less hungry mouth on the welfare
First ship 'em dope & let 'em deal the brothers
give 'em guns step back watch 'em kill each other
It's time to fight back that's what Huey said
2 shots in the dark now Huey's dead
I got love for my brother but we can never go nowhere
unless we share with each other
We gotta start makin' changes
learn to see me as a brother instead of 2 distant strangers
and that's how it's supposed to be
How can the Devil take a brother if he's close to me?
I'd love to go back to when we played as kids
but things changed, and that's the way it is

[Bridge w/ changing ad libs]
Come on come on
That's just the way it is
Things'll never be the same
That's just the way it is
aww yeah

I see no changes all I see is racist faces
misplaced hate makes disgrace to races
We under I wonder what it takes to make this
one better place, let's erase the wasted
Take the evil out the people they'll be acting right
'cause both black and white is smokin' crack tonight
and only time we chill is when we kill each other
it takes skill to be real, time to heal each other
And although it seems heaven sent
We ain't ready, to see a black President, uhh
It ain't a secret don't conceal the fact
the penitentiary's packed, and it's filled with blacks
But some things will never change
try to show another way but you stayin' in the dope game
Now tell me what's a mother to do
bein' real don't appeal to the brother in you
You gotta operate the easy way
"I made a G today" But you made it in a sleazy way
sellin' crack to the kid. " I gotta get paid,"
Well hey, well that's the way it is


We gotta make a change...
It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes.
Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live
and let's change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do
what we gotta do, to survive.

And still I see no changes can't a brother get a little peace
It's war on the streets & the war in the Middle East
Instead of war on poverty they got a war on drugs
so the police can bother me
And I ain't never did a crime I ain't have to do
But now I'm back with the blacks givin' it back to you
Don't let 'em jack you up, back you up,
crack you up and pimp slap you up
You gotta learn to hold ya own
they get jealous when they see ya with ya mobile phone
But tell the cops they can't touch this
I don't trust this when they try to rush I bust this
That's the sound of my tool you say it ain't cool
my mama didn't raise no fool
And as long as I stay black I gotta stay strapped
& I never get to lay back
'Cause I always got to worry 'bout the pay backs
some buck that I roughed up way back
comin' back after all these years
rat-tat-tat-tat-tat that's the way it is uhh

[Bridge 'til fade]

Baron Davis ...Clippers!?


Does this mean more hope for the Clippers. Will the hating Nor Cal Warrior fans now route for an L.A. team???? hmmmmm

I was in shock..this really made me laugh! I needed a good laugh! :)