Monday, April 28, 2008

Life's Chances

If you had the chance to change someone's life would you?

A question asked quite often and many answer "yes". But under which circumstances? And how do you know that making the decision you made helped them or hurt them? Sometimes you make a decision not really thinking about the other person. Just thinking about what is right for ourselves. Not because we wanna be mean right? ...but because you didnt think such a small decision would impact anyone's life. Every move we make causes an impact. We just arent aware of it at every moment of everyday. Ive made a few decisions I'd like to take back. But hey we can't go back and change things. This isn't The Butterfly Effect...haha. I really love that movie...but that may be another post. There are many moments that I think if I had a chance to redo..I would. Like certain people I've met...I'd try to go back and not meet them...moments in elementary I'd like to take back...moments in middle school....moments in high school...I could even think of something I did yesterday that I would like to take ....hmmmm...I know some are thinking...the decisions you make in life makes you who you are today. Believe me I have preached that to myself just the same. Still...that does not erase the curiosity of "what if"... what if I blah blah blah...then I would have blah blah blah...and could have blah blah blah *sigh*. Live life with no regrets? yea I tried that too. Doesnt stop my mind from thinking...wondering. Not that I hate my life right now...oh no...i'm actually enjoying it. Its just moments in time that happened to cross my mind and made me think I wonder if that was one of those life changing decision for me...or them. Then it gets me thinking...I'm a pretty special person because if I hadnt have done that...or said that...or saw that...then this would have happened...and they wouldnt be who they are today...and they wouldnt know them....and they would have moved ....and they would be dead...and they wouldnt be who they are today and I wouldnt be the person I am today. Oh the endless possibilities of decisions...chances. Who's life will I impact next?

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Your Voice Leaves Me Smiling

Have you ever heard someone's voice and turned completely weak?....well i don't know if you can call it weakness but its like you have no control of how you feel? Like first it feels like shock...then excitement....and you feel butterflies in your stomach...your throat feels sort of dry... and you begin to feel warm? ...then you feel relaxed and calm and its like you never want then to stop talking? And all the while you are talking you cant stop smiling? Maybe its just Thats why I dont like to call some people...I just text them. Ive noticed some guys voices have had that effect on me. Especially over the phone. For some person voices arent that big of a deal...maybe its because I dont really pay attention when some people talk when they are in front of a big daydreamer. Might catch me staring into space...haha So yea over the phone I get weak and receiving phone calls from him made my day...even if during the earlier calls he was mad at I can't wait til I go home again...3 more weeks!!! :)

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Some Jamaican Comedy

LMAO ...omg. I remember I watched this with my mom like 5 or 6 years ago. Even though my mom had to basically explain the whole video to me I still laughed. This is part of a video collection called "Laugh Jamaica Laugh" I think...there is another very funny scene that me and my dad crack up on all the time but I cant' find..when I do I'll be sure to post it!.....Anyway Check out the comb! It is so bent and missing teeth from that nappy headed doll...hahahhaha...And she is beating the baby with the comb...haha. It's funny cuz I've been hit with the comb hahahaha. And check out the girls hair!.haha...that is some nappy mess...the comb her mom uses to comb her head probably looks just the same! ...whoa! So basically the girl is saying everything her mom says to her doll...pretending she is the mom. hahahaha...too funny!


Its Funny that this scene is called Rapunzel cuz that doll has NO HAIR!...lmao

Friday, April 25, 2008

Painful Pleasure

I think I get pleasure from messing with peoples heads...their emotions. Especially people who make me happy. People I love. I don't know why.... because the end... I also feel the pain. And then I apologize. Apologies get old. It is old.

He is mad. Just as I knew he would be. I laughed at the thought of his reaction. Why? I must constantly do it because I get pleasure from it. I really don't know. I do it because I know he will get over it I he always does. This may not be one of those times. His reaction this time made me cry. I wouldnt want anyone to play games with my head so why do I do it to others. Probably because they put up with it. It isnt healthy and I think Ive reached the point where this so called pleasure might turn into my own pain. My own downfall..on a road to loneliness. I'm done with it. No more playing games. I guess its true..people grow with experience. I guess you don't really know how much you love someone until you lose them...completely lose them. I'm not gonna let it happen. Emotions arent one to fuck with. I should know. Maybe I do to him what has been done to me. Could that be it? Doesnt matter anymore. I'm done playing this game. Let me go mend a heart...maybe in the process mine will heal.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Yep, It's Possible

A great question was brought up today. By who? That isnt important. Anyway the question brought up was "Why do blacks always have to click up?" At the work field...everywhere. This is a very good question because I have always noticed this. From middle high school...even college! Isnt this sad? We've developed these means of separation as though its innate. There has always been talks about how we need peace and harmony...why cant we get along...why are blacks most judged by other blacks...without really knowing the person...many many negative connotations. Which is actually really frustrating. To try to break free of these we form clubs and organizations to bring blacks together. Does this work? Um...sometimes im sure...but I have yet to see this at its full potential. At these meetings little groups of friends sit together and as a whole...discussing unity...bettering the community...or smaller steps like bettering the schools in which they attend. Although they all agree on the problems and what the solutions for these problems should be...they still remain in those clicks... come as clicks...leave as clicks..not one person more or one person less. How contradicting huh? Yes there are your friends you stick with because you are closest to them but do you not even have room for associates? Is it hard to show some acceptance to people outside of your click? Especially when you are in fact a member of one of these African American associations and what not. These can be people you just chat with...say hello to...get to know at least. Because maybe if we all get to know each other a little better there will be less hate and shit Especially if you are in a club or organization together. Why promote unity and togetherness when there are individual clicks all around talking shit here and there about how they dont like him or her ...and how him or her thinks they are all that...and how him or her is blah blah blah. Quit talking shit. If you do not know even one single fact about a person who are you to judge? How are we going to make it anywhere? We have to take one step at a time....but all I see is 2 steps backwards ...everyday.

To be honest...some clubs even become clicks. Everyone in that club or organization hang together and if you are not in the club then you either are hated because members of the club think that you think you are better than them or judgment is placed on any action made or word spoken by you because there are just miserable people in the world. So there are clicks within clubs which is a click in itself. How many times can we all be divided? Hate doesnt work...lets try love. It's possible to break the clicks. Ive seen it happen...and I've seen some of the greatest friendships bloom because of it. That person in that other click in elementary is now your best friend in college...or watch...that person in that other click in college will become one of your career field partners or even your boss! haha. Imagine that. There just needs to be action. Obviously talk does make much progress. We can become more unite. It's possible.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Have it your way!

LOL...I keep watching this video and I just keep thinking to myself..he is gonna make bank with this song! How much do you wanna bet McDonalds is gonna make a contract with Raheem to have this song be their theme song? Man every line in this song just screams "McDonalds Theme Song!" hahaha. Or any restuarant at that! "have it your way"..."your the customer"..."super-sized" "take your order"...almost every line...he knew what he was doing! haha

Raheem DeVaughn- Customer

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Book Therapy

Im lacking my inspiration for reading. I mean ...Im currently reading a book right now but it feels like it is taking me forever to finish it. I need one that will hit the spot. You know...a book that leaves you satisfied or urning for the sequel..haha. I havent had that in a while...Ive been reading books that I either can predict the end half way through or I get so bored with it half way through that I just want to put it up on the book shelf already. Maybe Ive read all the good ones? I doubt it. How do I tell if the book is good? Well..when I am able to finish it in less than 5 days even if it has 400+ pages. Books that leave me thinking...books that actually make me cry...laugh... smile...sink deep into character ...feeling every bit of what they feel. A good book!

Any suggestions???

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Not gonna spoil the fun

So I decided not to write a complete review of the concert. Even though words cannot begin to describe or reveal the greatness of the Glow in the Dark Tour....I still don't want to ruin everyone else's experience who hasn't gone yet by giving letting out too much. Keeping it short and brief by saying it was the most AMAZING concert in the world should be quite enough....Well ....I mean saying it was on another planet should be quite . I want everyone to be just as awed by the performances as I was. Have a 5 hour blast!

I will say that the songs I really wanted each performer to perform... that I listed in a previous post... was right on the money! some! yay! (Except 2 songs that I listed of Kanye and 1 from Rihanna was not performed).

I can't wait for N.E.R.D's CD...I love Spazz!

Throw Your Diamonds in the Sky if You Feel The Vibe...

Best 5 hours of My Life!

Aaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!.....OMG!!!! Kanye's Glow in the Dark tour was AMAZING!!!! Best Concert I've ever been to and probably the BEST I will ever go to! haha.... No one can top this! He is truely making history with this one. From Rihanna...then Kanye! ....words cannot explain right now. The concert was out of this world! On another planet! I wanna live on his planet and never come back! For real!!! I am so worn out and I feel like I havent reached Earth yet. So I will continue with my full review of the Concert 2maro....I will need alot of time for this! Okay I'm starting to regain regular breathing...

Can't wait to see it again in LA on June 7th!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

80's baby!

I wonder why the 80's is so popular in the 21st century. All of a sudden it is the new in thing. I mean I love it and its great! I love bright colors...I love 80's music like Michael Jackson, Pat Benatar, Whitney Houston, Run DMC...its so many of them!...I love the style...the toys!...whew! Just dont bring back those big fat 80's cell! those were huge!..haha As an 80's baby I feel proud to say hey I was born in the 80's!...I'm an 80's baby!...too bad I only lived 2 years of the 80's haha. But hey! With this sudden epidemic of everything from 80's being the in thing...I get to live the 80's life now that I didnt get to when I was 1..haha. But is still a question to me of who brought it back. Who? Everyone is in love with the 80's! People from every generation!..haha Now stores are filled with 80's fashion...especially forever 21 and American Apparel. I started to notice it about 3 years ago...slowly things from the 80's began to be cool. Maybe it was before that...but that is when it really became apparent to me. Now everyone is throwing 80's parties. For Birthdays...regular functions...and even college parties. Can you name one college that hasnt had an 80's party associated with it? lol...I mean damn! Lets not play it out too much. One thing is for sure. You can't play out 80's fashion...there is just too much can even blend with modern styles if you dont want to be too loud. It allows people to show a little of their personality through the clothes they wear. Pretty cool. I love it! So yea go 80's! Let's see how long it will This is pretty interesting...fascinating even.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Overwhelmed With Excitement!!!!!

OMG!!!!! CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!

Okay so last month I made a playlist of All Kanye, Lupe, N.E.R.D., and Rihanna songs. I want to be ready! haha ...I've just been playing it everyday to prepare for the From listening to the playlist I have decided to pick a few songs that I definitely want to see performed! I mean I love more songs than these and I wouldn't mind others being performed but These Top 10 Kanye songs , and Top 6 (couldn't narrow it to 5..haha) Lupe, N.E.R.D., and Rihanna songs will complete my life! :). Lupe, N.E.R.D, and Rihanna might perform less than 6...who knows..oh well as long as they perform at least half of my list! Kanye must perform all!!!!! Lol...okay so here it is songs from new and old albums...

Kanye West

1. Good Life
2. Bittersweet
3. Flashing Lights
4. All Falls Down
5. Stronger
6. Champion
7. Addiction
8. Hey Mama
9. Everything I am
10. Through the Wire

Lupe Fiasco

1. Superstar
2. Go Go Gadget Flow
3. Put You On Game
4. Hip Hop Saved My Life
5. Paris, Tokyo
6. Daydreaming


1. Everyone Nose
2. Rock Star
3. Spazz
4. Maybe
5. Truth or Dare
6. Lapdance


1. Umbrella
2. Don't Stop the Music
3. Rehab
4. S.O.S.
5. Push Up On Me
6. Unfaithful

...If the stars are lined just right..maybe Kanye and Pharrell will Perform "Number One"! Oh man! I will have an orgasm! really but you get my drift...

* The 1st one I listed for every artist is what they will definitely perform ... I mean there is no doubt in my mind...and hopefully they perform the rest. I have just fell in Love with these songs. 2 days to go! Yay!

Monday, April 14, 2008

Conformity is Boring

It annoys me when I see people trying to "fit in" ...trying to be something they obviously aren't. John F. Kennedy said it best "Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth".I mean how far is one going to get in life following behind someone else? Step out! Be bold! Be you! Yes, there will be some people who talk...some people who don't like it...they are labeled "haters" and they are probably hating because they are stuck in a world of conformity...jailed for life...with no way out. Along with "haters" there are people who appreciate you being you. Self-Belief and confidence go a long way. Some would even admire the fact that you are unique...that you are a leader...that you are real...that you are yourself. Then maybe they will be inspired to be themselves. Stepping out and being the person you are comfortable with being...the person you dont have to try to be...the person you were born to be is a beautiful thing! It increases diversity ...opens peoples eyes...broadens minds. I love seeing different people...different styles, personalities...the list goes on. Even to the point of different races. Don't try and be a race/ ethnicity that you are not. Be happy with who you are! Embrace who you are! Don't dress a certain way because that is what everyone else is wearing....what you are wearing could be the next big thing! Don't change your hair color or cut your hair because that is what is "in". Do it because you want to...because that is who you are. Make sure you wont regret it later. Alex Wek put it nicely..."I have no problem with whatever the next big look is. Just don't tell me that only one look is beautiful." There isnt only ONE look that is beautiful...ONE personality that is appealing...ONE thought that is worth hearing. There are many. If there was only one...this world would be would be boring. This is America people. Break free!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

One in a Million

: ) ....Another day enjoyed...

Long drives....beautiful sights...meaningful conversation...abundant smiles...intoxicating kisses...piercing gazes into one another’s eyes. We enjoy each others company...each others touch. Whether we are just holding hands as he drives... enjoying the sights with no common destination in mind...random stops...relaxation...the thrill...the mystery. I can drive/ ride for hours...especially with him. He understands me....I understand him. I know his secrets...he knows mine. Even though this is true he still remains somewhat of a mystery...and I think I like that the most. (If that makes any We are brought closer and closer with every moment spent with each other. We have been through adventures!...Man! that time we spent from like 9pm to 6 in the morning together! times. I believe if I were to add up all the times we spend with each other in these past 4 years we've known each surpasses many of my friends. But hey... we've been through way more than any of my friends...he has been more than a friend...started as a couple a on and I feel so free when I am with him...So open...I feel that I am living life. He has introduced me to so many things in my life...showed me so many places...taught me so many things....many lessons of life. I don't really understand this feeling that I get when I am with him. I m just glad that God has put him in my life. I told him that...he just smiled with his pearly whites...took my hand...took a moment to stare in my eyes and proceeded to drive...I just smiled. Lol He makes me feel like I can say anything to him...tell him anything....its so great. I don't even think I have ever argued with him...and if I have...I usually start it. Wow...that is so true...I don't think he has ever complained or started an argument or anything like that. Just If there was an argument it was probably for no more than two minutes and I was doing most of the He always seems to make me laugh or prove that I'm So I forget what I even started to complain/ argue about in the 1st place. Life is too short for arguments anyway. We just enjoy life...never any boredom....never feel like I am missing anything. Time flies when we get together...but I enjoy every minute of it. (If that makes any I can't even compare him to anyone...its too hard...he is his own one compares. I don't think anyone will ever compare. That doesn't make him better than anyone else...its just means he is unique...and not in a weird way. I admire his entrepreneurship.....his ambition....I admire that fact that he isn't looking to music to fulfill his dream. (Not that I have anything against people pursuing rapping or singing as a career and a go to way to get rich because I love my friends that are almost there or trying...Its just so many of them now...So many that it has become almost cliché'). Like everyone aspires to be a millionaire by the time they are 24.... and at a month shy of 21 he is on the right track...its amazing. He is on the ball....he is on superman status! Not depending on anyone or anything. I love reflecting on life with him...I love discussing our future goals....I love enjoying the present. I think I would have been a totally different person if it wasn't for him...he has impacted me in a good way. Wow...this is becoming a little long...I don't even know why I wrote this and I definitely did not plan on It being this Ok this is enough...I've said too much. Good night!

Friday, April 11, 2008

1 Week Away!!!!!!!!!!! =-D

OMG! So Kanye's Glow in the Dark tour is exactly 1 week away! I am so excited! :)

Since I'm in northern California for school I'm forced to go to the concert in Sac. I really wanted to go on the 21st or the 22nd in L.A. but it would be a 4 1/2 hour drive and its during class!...Boooo!... Oh well Friday will be just fine! Exciting! ...I will be one of the firsts to see it! ....And I have great seats! :) I also can't wait to go again on June 7th in L.A. with my sissy Ari! yay!

Friday, April 18th, 2008 ...Kanye's first show in California Yes!!!! I' can't wait!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

I'm A Big Kid Now!

I'm not sure which one I want to be the most. Young or Old. When I was younger I was always like" I can't wait until I grow up" it's like "oh no! I'm getting older". I am almost at that turning point where I say goodbye to being a teenager. Scary. I want to grow up know...hit 21 and then stay there!...haha...But at the same time I'm scared to grow up so I keep putting out my inner child so that I can feel young. Of course I take care of all my current responsibilities but there is more to life in the "Real World". I getting the feeling of growing up..I mean the freedom is great...but with freedom you must take all that comes with it. Which then leads to stress. I will need to grow "all the way up" sooner or later. But for now....I like being young...I like where I am. When the time comes I will give it all I got!...enjoying my youth while I still can is all I'm about! Yessss! Lol

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Real or Pretend?

"You find out who your real friends are when you are involved in a scandal"
~Liz Taylor

Is who I thought were friends not anymore? Is this all it takes? We shall see. Hopefully we can mend our group friendship tomorrow by sitting down and talking. That is the only way. For all of us to just sit down and share how we feel about one another and get to the bottom of whatever is bothering us. Shared experiences and love for one another creates a bond so strong NO ONE can break. So if this is really a friendship then we won't break apart. As for the other friendship...well its not my decision. It is only theirs. If they choose to make one person ruin it....then they weren't really a friend in the first place. These two people I consider I just met about 8 months ago and the other Ive been friends with for nearly 2 years...will it end now? I'll see...

Side note: There is a difference between FRIENDS and ASSOCIATES....look it up! can't call everyone a friend. Just because you have class with someone, live with someone, or has talked to someone does not make them your I believe I wrote about this in a previous blog in March "People who live in..."

Toccara looks bomb!...No homo!

Ok so me and Kiy went to Barnes and Noble today....Looking for new books to get into but we got sidetracked by magazines. First magazine we spot is King magazine with Tocarra on the cover. We flip through and look at her pictures and she looks great....whatever she looks great. I doubt it there was any surgery involved though. Just the inspiration of celebrity fit club. She has come up! She is looking great! I remember on Top Model when I first saw her...she looked all right but was still a little big. I think now she is at her perfect size. Curves and all! Still has her ass and her boobs and a beautiful face. Me and Kiy love her weave too! It's bomb! LOL. It's not like she didn't like herself before...its just that she wanted to be a little bit healthier ...a little more fit...but still embrace the curves and the thickness!...Alot of people should think like her. You Go Girl!

Monday, April 7, 2008

Inconsiderate People

I'm tired of inconsiderate people.
Rude to the max.
So inconsiderate that they can't even tell when they are in the wrong.
You can only abuse your power for so long.
I let out my frustration and feelings on MY BLOG.
Not because I want EVERYONE in the whole world to see but for me to have some release.
I would be very surprised if alot of people read my blog but they don't.
If I wanted EVERYONE to know how I felt I would go to facebook...write a note...make it my status...or even write a book and try and publish it.
Yes....I have enough frustration to publish a
Why aren't I telling them face to face?
Last time I did that they blew up and got all defensive.
Because inconsiderate people NEVER think they are doing anything wrong.
When they admit it....I'm ready to talk

Friday, April 4, 2008

My Hero!

Wow...I wrote that blog last night not knowing that today is the 40th anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s death. Wow...we have come a long way! I would not be where I am today if it weren't for him. Our world wouldnt be as diverse as it is today. But like I said in my previous post...there is always room for improvement.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Diverse School, Segregated People

Merced is such a diverse campus. However its hard to see that sometimes when the same race hangs out with the same ol people all the time. Doesnt that get boring? It gets boring to me. I can't be around my same race all the time. I feel I learn things from hanging out with different races. I get to hear different points of view, I get introduced to different types of food (YUM!), learn about different lifestyles and many more interesting things. Maybe some people don't believe in that.Oh well, Bethany is hear to break it up! lol The Africans wanna hang out with the Africans...nope I'm breaking that up...tell me about was Nigeria? was Ghana? do you like America?...The blacks wanna hang out with the you not know that you are a decedent of Africa?...somewhere in the mix yeah...Why do you segregate from the Africans?...just because you weren't born there and your parents were born in that was the case my parents were born in Jamaica....who would I hang with??? There are no Jamaicans or children of Jamaicans here...Would I hang alone??? Heck no! lol And the Asians hanging with the Asians nuh uh...there are too many of guys need to disperse! I'm in that too! I wanna know what China is like, Japan...Taiwan...all of em...what food do you eat? What kind of traditions do you follow??? Filipinos too... I love adobu!...yum! You guys are cool ...It's like somewhere deep in your ancestry there was a black guy...yup...there is some black in you guys! Hispanics/ Latinos I'm in that too...I wanna know about you guys too...I wanna eat your homemade food...I wanna learn new Spanish words....I wanna baila! hahaha So yea my Muslim friends....White friends....Indian friends....European friends....lets spread out a little the diversity a little bit more...the segregation is a little too obvious and I know it gets boring. If it has to start with me than so be it....I'm dragging some people with me


Wednesday, April 2, 2008

My Way of Life

Randomly, I was reading through my astrology book and I focused on my sign a little more than I usually do. Usually I only read the book to look at other people's signs so that I can make a connection with who they are or just to entertain my friends. I focused on the sign of the Virgo (Best sign ever) and for the first time I really took thought of what the the first line under my sign said. I said...

"I seek my Self through what I learn."

So basically Virgos are learners...a Virgo is really a mental sign. We can sometimes think too We "quest for perfection, which is harvested from the fields of experience". We go out and try to make the best of life doing all that we life ....moving forward even through bad times. We seek to be happy and though this process we learn ...picking up the loose ends we put the knowledge we gain from experience together and make another move...never stopping...never giving up....continuing with a smile and positivity. Along the way "Virgo's aim is to be effective in the real world of practical results". We look at the whole picture...we think...we criticize...evaluate and come up with our own solution that only makes us stronger. It's a productive way of life. Why sit in a corner to be safe? Are you actually safe by doing that? Nope. I think it's only hurting you. The abstract doesn't work for me. I need answers even if I have to seek them myself....Which sometimes bites me in the hey... thats just another lesson learned. I look at it as reaping the rewards of my past efforts. Why look at half of the situation when there is a whole? I love life's lessons...sometimes they make me laugh...and i love to laugh....sometimes they make me cry...sometimes they make me mad...but in the end I always notice a smile on my face...

It's just who I am :)


Tuesday, April 1, 2008

The Boss of April Fool's Day!

So I did great today!..I didnt get april fooled!...even tho ppl tried...poor attempts guys...poor. I was on game at midnight..I was watching out!

List of People that GOT GOT! by me :)
1. Isaiah
2. Lamine
3. Kiyanna
4. Brandon
5. Raven
6. Michelle
7. Erica

7 is my lucky number I guess...i got 7 ppl out of 8...oh well the 8th person was being an asshole so they don't count!

I did great and cracked myself up the whole was great! Isaiah really thought I was pregnant...oh man...all feeling sorry for me and shit...all like "the dude better help" not crazy! ...Lamine thought I dated a porn! I really got him he was believing every detail like "whaaaaattttt ....fa real!!!"..hahaha Kiyanna really thought there was another veronica and all! really thought I wanted to have a threesome with him....haha..he was so excited he asked for the girl's pic and I sent him that pic above..hahahaha...didnt make him happy....Raven tried to tell me my cousin was pregnant so I played along with her and was like I know she told me...she said "really???...omg I was gonna say april fool's but omg!" ...I said April fool's! she was mad...she says its not fair oh well...can't get me! ...Michelle really thought feo was here...she hopped out of the chair so fast she flew!...haha....And Erica really thought i found a 5 bedroom house for super cheap...cheaper than they already are....she was happy....awwwww...lmao

Another thing funny today...I'm alive guys!....I guess the boy who killed me for gotcha didnt report it so i'm still alive..yay!...haahahahaha

Today was FUNNY! :-D