Memories Have Taken Control

Sometimes I envy the people who don't have a very good memory...or select amnesia for that matter. I would rather forget somethings. Some memories make life more complicated and you wish you had never created those memories...but at the same time you love them.

Maybe there is a reason I constantly ...repeatedly...daydream the rememberance of certain people...words...situations...episodes of the past. Is God trying to tell me something? Please give me more signs because these memories are making it difficult to move on in my life. I can't move on thinking maybe I'm forgetting something. I feel like I'm working backwards...but why? Am I really forgetting something...someone? I know things of my past are lessons learned ...and trust me...I've learned lessons. I try to forget you know? I try to bring up the bad in my mind...cuz if I let myself believe that that particular person...situation...episode...those particular words were bad...then I would want to forget them...put them behind me. ...But man...it hurts me to say...the good out weighs the bad....And there is always something that reminds me of this...even when I close my eyes. I'm reminded to remember ...remember. Its like my mind, body, and spirit want to relive those memories...my heart being the keeper of the three. No matter how hard I try to replace those memories with other people...words...and situations.....those memories come...and come...and come again. These memories want to move on with me..should I make a move? What if the people of my past...the situations of my past...the words of my past don't want to move forward with me? Then will the memories cease? I'll be fine if I just get my questions answered...I'll be able to move forward with no regrets...rather than moving backwards. Am I evaluating these present occurances correctly God? I don't want to get ahead of myself now...this is my life I'm talking about ...my future...

~*Bethany*