Laugh, Live, Love again

Maxwell's "this woman's work" played as my alarm to wake me up in morning...how ironic...spoke the words straight to me....God giving me a chance to smile when I hear this song..instead of cry....this was my day to give that song more meaning in my life than it already has...

Well I just got home like 30min ago
Floated on and above the clouds today...felt good just letting go
To feel the feeling one last time before I end it for good...
no more touching the sky for me...Ive touched the sky enough
I just needed that release one last time...last blow lingered in the sky for a while
High in the sky..
relaxed...
Felt I was ready...went for it...

Then I was pushed 6ft under...at least that is what my heart felt like...

So then Im driving down the 405 freeway south going home...feeling like my life is over ...Never have I experienced a feeling like this before...God needed me to...i needed to
I turn on the radio...a song begins... "What You Got" by Colby O Donis ft. Akon ....This song that Im sure has played on the radio plenty of times already but for some reason ...at that moment... my cue is to roll down the windows...open the sun roof and zooooooooom...I put the radio on blast and continued to zooooooom...lol...The song is slow enough for my mood but up beat enough that I feel revitalized...It felt like every beat in the hook brought me back to life...like defibrillator over my chest...
It wasnt the words of the song that got to me .... the beat and my own words that came to my head i think it was
...and the constant "what you got"
I start to think of what I have...I have quite alot
Towards the end of the song I take an exit ...stopped at the light...closed my eyes...and somehow the last hook of the song came to me in different words...
A single tear drop from each eye fell...and a smile appeared on my face
I don't know if it was God but if it was I would love to thank him ...he sure did prove he works in mysterious ways...

I continued to drive allowing the wind to dry my tears...I began to pass santa monica beach ...I inhaled....exhaled...changed the station on the radio...what did I find?...my song from just a little while earlier was on another station...I immediately parked my car put the radio on blast and smiled towards the ocean... into the darkness....which somehow felt brighter than usual....I leaned on my car thinking (not thinking of if i'm making any noise..or if someone is going to kill me...or if the police will catch me) thinking about life...my future...I'm ready for it...lol....I feel so good...i'm ready for it...its so true how they say what makes you weak will definitely make you stronger...because that has been my revelation tonight/ this morning...
I must live life to love it...What I'm doing is living it...there are those happy times....funny times...angry times...sad times that I say I feel when I watch Life is Beautiful...that is in fact what makes life soooo beautiful!
As long as I have loved along the way...no regrets...I'm happy...that is all that counts...You don't always get what you want...no matter how much you think you deserve it or its destined to be...just cherish what you got...

~*Bethany*